The Tipping Point

I have a love-hate relationship with roller coasters.  As a child, I felt I had to go on them.  I was the oldest of four girls, and my dad needed a companion in the thrill.  I have a pretty legitimate fear of heights.  Even today, when I drive on single lane bridge overpasses, it makes me queasy.  I mentally overcome my fears by telling myself “I have to do this” or “it’s not that bad.”  Now, my own kids beg me to go on roller coasters.  When we had passes to Legoland, they had to have an adult to go on the rides (yes, I realize these don’t even count as roller coasters).  I would visualize before we were even on the ride that moment at the peak of the drop, where I knew I would momentarily wish I was dead.  But I had to do it.  My kids needed me to.  Just like my dad needed me to.

I am a people pleaser.  I’ve started to grow out of it though.  I tell my husband that he has helped me stand in my own place and say “no, I don’t have to if I don’t want to today.”

Today, I’m not wanting to.  I’m at a tipping point.  I’ve arrived at the peak of where we’re at in our new home.  I’m surveying the landscape and taking inventory of what this ride holds for us.  This tipping point is also the reality checkpoint.  All the newness has begun to wear off.  Our landscape isn’t filled with so many exciting unknowns.  It’s filled with dips and climbs in the form of house project checklists, homework-filled weeknights, and schedules filled with “have-to’s.”  We have a new life rhythm of school, work, church, and whatever we fill in the in-between.  We have new go-to’s that have new people and places.  All the dreams we imagined for our new life are a little more watered down with truth that budgets, schoolwork, and yardwork bring.  We are leaning into the turns where God is bringing us as a family into deeper spiritual and social growth.  Others are still the ones traveling the world, buying boats, and getting puppies.  Instead, we are filling our lungs with Texas air at the football stadium and cross country meet wildflowers.  Our rain-dirtied car is loaded with schoolbooks and smelly shoes and an exercise mat.  I am still working on that book that should be finished by now.

Does it sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself?  It’s that daily teetering precipice.  Each day, I choose which way I let the scale tip.  Joy or Discouragement.  Fear or Courage.  Contentment or Bitterness.

We all move through life the same way.  One foot in front of the other.  We choose our path.  My prayer this week has been that I could truly let “God determine my steps” (Proverbs 16:9).  When I’m at my tipping point, I need Him to nudge me the right direction, towards His best.  When others fail me, or I fail myself, He can make it right.  I’m trying to be a living example of this for our kids.  This is the point of the school year where everyone feels the squeeze.  Homework and studying are almost all-consuming.  My kids are such troopers.  Somedays, I want to take away the struggle and give up for them.  We’ve hit that point where I’m ready to pull the ripcord and say “this is too much.”  We’ve done this to them – plucked them out of the only place they really remember and put them in a new city, new school, and new way of life.  And it is hard.  Hours of studying doesn’t always produce success.  Being nice to people doesn’t always mean they’ll include you.  Practice doesn’t always make perfect in this life.

But in Christ, our joy will be made complete.  Joy doesn’t mean perfect circumstances.  It’s being thankful that we have each other.  We have everything we need.  I choose to bathe in the truth that “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)  Failure has value.  It can make us better.  It can lead us down a path where God can use us where we might not have gone if we hadn’t met our limit.  We can’t let the shiny things of this world steal our joy.  I want to reflect this to my children, so they won’t get caught sliding into the traps of disappointment, discontent, and disillusionment.

I want to reflect this to myself.  “In Christ alone, my cornerstone, weak made strong in the Savior’s love.   Through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all.”

 

 

Life is a cross country metaphor

I rewatched Julie and Julia, the 2009 movie about the wife who begins blogging because she is challenged by her annoying friend who’s blogging “about every thought that passes through her brain…”  She argues, “I could write a blog.  I have thoughts.”  Julie decides to write a blog about her learning to cook journey as she tries the recipes in Julia Child’s cookbook.  And when she sends out a post asking, “is anyone reading this?” she gets one comment – from her mother!  It makes me laugh.  It is a writer’s catharsis to get words on a page.  An author’s challenge is to shape those words into a lean flow of script, gliding across the page.  It’s a miracle in motion, like a watching a professional ballerina or an olympic runner.

Speaking of running, we’ve been spending a lot of morning hours outside…running.  I say “we” but it’s actually the kids everyday (usually not the weekends, unless there’s a meet), but my husband and I are tag-teaming our place in the “Mom-Squad” (not very many dads out there).  I am NOT a runner.  I had a season in my life of running for exercise where maybe I was running 8 miles a week.  This month, our daughter has logged 6o miles!  And she is much more graceful doing it.  As I’ve said before, she is our girl with fleet feet.  Our son is juggling football at the same time, so he spends his mornings running a few miles and then heading to practice to put on his pads and helmet for another hour of training.

We have begun our season of Saturday morning cross country meets, where we drive to small-town schools at sunrise and cheer on our dedicated children.  While walking the first race’s route with the Mom-Squad (while our kids ran it as a warm-up), someone suggested that my next blog post should be about this.  Well, it started me thinking and then the connections between cross country training and this journey we call life…they started connecting.  So forgive that I am not a true running guru but hopefully that makes it easier to keep up:

Run Til the Cows Come Home.  This started as a joke as we witnessed that the cows in the distance were let out to pasture just beyond the first meet’s field.  But seriously, in cross country, runners just run and run and run.  This year, the team has a goal of running 50,000 miles cumulatively (the distance of the roads within the Roman Empire of course). They rise before dawn and clock their miles and then start the day with the rest of humanity.  The benefits are fitness (obviously), but they’ve witnessed the most beautiful sunrises and defeated the toughest enemy of them all – the pillow – all before breakfast.

Eat Hills for Breakfast.  Yup, they really do.  You can’t eat much before the sun is up and you plan to run 4-5 miles at around a 7ish minute mile pace average.  My kids have had to compromise with my you-must-eat-breakfast rule and have protein shakes.  But once a week, their team runs the best hills they can find in this flatland called Waco, and they repeat its steep pain 4 to 10 times in about twenty minutes.  If it hurts…

Tell Your Body a Different Story.  This is the FAVORITE thing I’ve heard the kids’ coach say!  She’s a running phenom.  No, really.  She’s about to compete for the U.S. at the World Championships in the 50-mile trail.  No biggie.  When most of us stop, she keeps going. and going. and going.  And honestly, most of us stop because our bodies are winded, sore, and begging for a break.  But what if we don’t listen and we push through to that next level?  Your body can take you further than you expect.

Wear the Right Shoes. Since my husband has done his share of triathlons and running races of marathon distances, I know that runners go through lots of shoes (he wears his longer than he even should just to stretch the budget).  And there are now the shoes for your foot’s pronation needs – neutral, stability, minimalist.  The right shoes protect your knees, joints, feet.  I spent all my high school years struggling with shin splints and learned only in the last decade that it had everything to do with the shoe and how my foot was striking the ground.

Watch Out for Obstacles.  Seriously, there has even been a snake that dropped out of the trees near one of the kids’ teammates!  But at every course site, the runners have to take notice of the dips, holes, random drainage pipes or sprinklers, fallen logs, and any other potential hazard that might delay or harm their goal.  Things like rain, heat, or cold do not count, by the way.

So recap – how do I apply these lessons to life?  Well, I don’t do it successfully, but they are goals that I try to apply physically and spiritually:

• Rise Early – Quiet time in the morning takes many forms: reading, writing, running, but always include prayer time with the Creator.  It definitely helps when His creation is a part of the setting. “But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day.” Proverbs 4:18
• Nourish Well – What we put into our bodies affects EVERYTHING whether it’s by mouth, or through our eyes and ears.
• Push Yourself Further – Do it, a little more every time, but just do it.  Be open to challenge and trying something new (even if it’s hard).
• Be equipped – Wearing the right equipment is important for doing life well, being filled with joy and a willingness to dive into whatever lies ahead. “put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.” Ephesians 6:15b
• Keep Your Eyes Wide Open – Life is filled with obstacles and hills, but it is what conditions us for what is to come.  When we face it with our eyes open, we can be cautious but also be front row witnesses to everything God brings about.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  You are serving the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24

“…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3b-4